The other day I reached for the latch to lock to my room on the outside, it wasn't there. That's because the only time I've ever locked a door this way was at my house in Toronto. I haven't locked a door like that in nearly 5 months. Old habits die hard I suppose. It felt strange though, that was the first time I had done something like that, something that was previously so ingrained in my mind. It didn't so much make me miss home, but rather it made me realize how long it's been, and how I just might be fine with that. Now, don't read that as "I dont miss any of you," because I do.
Now that everything here has become so routine for me, wake up, coffee, chat. Everything that I've established as typical, will change again. All of these things that have become a part of me, and that I've grown to think of as my own, will go away. Maybe it's that I'm afraid I will miss everyone too much, or maybe it's that time passed far too quickly, but I don't want to leave. I feel as if when I go home, everything that was once mine will feel entirely foreign to me. I will go back to living my life probably exactly as I had before, and that's okay, it's not as if things were bad. It's more that I feel like these things simply won't be what I want anymore. I guess that right there is the essence of why it was so important I left.
xo
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